Real Me
by exbo
Summary: Oneshot of just Hibari. Very angsty.


A/N Behold! My first fic! Yay! I think I might just shed a few tears... ;_; Well, I'm kinda nervous about posting this, actually, because I know I over exaggerated Hibari...I made him too angsty...but still, I really wanted to delve further into his character. He's quite interesting, and actually, he used to really get on my nerves, but after writing my fic I think I respect him a lot more. I don't even like Reborn! all that much...I mean, its got a good plot, good characters, but its just not my thing : / Idk...I just had an odd urge to write about Hibari I guess...and I feel pretty accomplished,too...

Another thing! I'll go ahead and apologize ahead of time if my writing doesn't meet up to anyones' standards...I was once told that I write like a thirteen-year-old ._. I still feel kinda ashamed about that. And I know I could've made this fic better, and that some parts will be er...awkward...but I was really anxious to finish it, so it might be rushed, I guess.

Also, thanks for pointing out my errors, Kenzie! I hope I fixed everything...

That's all I got to say...Enjoy!

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A cloud is merely consisted of water. Wet lingering water that has formed into thousands of tiny crystals in the sky, combining and mingling to create a beautiful vapor texture. Waiting and waiting, growing and growing until these once small droplets become too heavy and fall from the heavens, blessing the earth. Sacred water. Life.

Essentially, a cloud is just water.

Moving, drifting, carried by the blowing winds – not caring where it goes, when it goes, how it gets there. Wherever "there" is. It doesn't feel anything. It doesn't have a choice. It doesn't matter. But when the rain is released and the precipitation spreads in an explosion of wind and lightning and thunder, the billow has freed the bottled-up emotions in an extraordinary uproar of a storm, leaving mess and destruction in its wake.

That is the life of a cloud. That is the life of Hibari Kyoya.

The cloud guardian sat in the quiet, engulfed by the loneliness and solitude radiating from his private wing. He valued moments of contemplation, yet at times the emptiness he felt afterwards always paid its toll. Despite the cold exterior, the protector often felt pitiful crying by himself.

Yes – he had a soul.

He ambled towards the nearby window, and gazed hypnotically at the outside world, at the storm taking place. He slouched, and then leaned his forehead on the cold glass of the thin barrier, watching as his breath fogged the screen.

Inhale, exhale.

A living breathing creature, just like everyone else, drowning in his own self-pity, hypnotized by the trickling water, oozing mud, and swaying trees of the outside.

Moments when he felt so moody, Hibari distanced himself from his so called "companions". Any emotion whatsoever was a sign of weakness. And Hibari was _not_ weak. Or at least, he never wanted anyone to see his weaknesses.

Best to keep occasions like this covert. What would the others think – what would the others_ do_ if they saw him in this state?

_They will only laugh, given the chance to see you like this. And your usual threats will not have any affect on them. They will only laugh. Laugh and point at your shameful face. _

How terribly helpless this made the prefect feel. How _hopeless_.

Why was it so difficult for him to find release – to find salvation in himself?

Fighting was one thing that always gave him satisfaction. He was always the dominant one, the one that always wins mindless the circumstances. He was always one step ahead of everyone else. But being sympathetic towards others – towards himself, was one battle he would never win.

To see the faces of his victims twist in fear when they realized their fate was the closest thing to ecstasy on Hibari's list. Quite a small list.

His emotion range is rather small, too, so his display of a grin when in the midst of a kill is the only sign of happiness he will ever be willing to portray.

And who knew someone with a superiority complex could feel sadness? Then again, sadness is a complicated matter. Much like Hibari.

Sadness is an uncomfortable topic for the cloud guardian. He feels so small and insignificant when compared to it. As if his sadness is some kind of large dark vacuum swallowing him, suffocating him. Perhaps that's why he hates crowds.

Crowds simply make the prefect feel claustrophobic. He loathes to be surrounded by thousands of noisy people, people who will never understand him. _Never._

People who will never understand the struggles he faces.

People who will never understand his fears and weaknesses.

People who will never understand his life.

People who will always remain ignorant and naïve and selfish.

That is humankind, after all. By ridding of the human race, Hibari would be doing the world a huge favor.

The cloud guardian moaned. His head ached, swimming with so many intricate thoughts.

He couldn't stand his sardonic conscience much longer. All his feelings and thoughts were bottling and building up within him.

He sighed and relaxed his tense shoulders.

_Let it out, _he soothed to himself.

Even though he hated to admit it, he had to release some form of feeling. He had to coax and urge himself just to do so, but the more he did it, the easier it became.

The guardian exhaled a shaking breath and shuddered. Then all the pressure and tension crawled into his eyes and a blush crept on his face. A torrent of salty tears seeped out of his sloe eyes and slid down his cheeks. Gasping and trembling like a small child, he cradled himself in his arms – open mouth, closed eyes.

The tears never stopped their flow, and the prefect wondered if they would ever cease.

_Please stop!_ He begged himself.

Yet the tears surged, and at that moment, Hibari hated himself. Hated that he was the cloud guardian. Hated that he couldn't be a better person. Hated all the "herbivores" he was cursed to live with. Hated Fate.

Between the painful sobs, the tears stopped.

Finally no more was left within him, no more tears to cry and no more sobs to choke him.

A grown man, alone in his bedroom. The only sounds were his gasps.

His soul felt diaphanous, easy to see straight through him, easy to take him for granted.

He rubbed lazily at his eyes, and slowly backed away from the window.

The rain began to subside, the sky became clearer.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Hibari retained himself, and stood upright, staring knowingly at the grey sky.

Just as the water would fall from the sky once again, so would the tears from his eyes. It would repeat.

His life was a cycle, a cursed cycle, that only death would stop.

But with the cloud, Hibari, gone, where would the others get their water? Their life? How would the water fall from the sky after it has all been used up?

For this reason, Hibari decided life was worthwhile.

So there was kindness in him after all…

Who knew it?

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Phew! Finally finished!Well, if you read it all, I hope you liked it. ^.^


End file.
